THE NECESSITY OF FAITH - by Wendell Berry
True harvest no mere intent may reap.
Thinking of my childhood. Recklessness and daring of self physical and sometimes the challenges to gravity itself on a bicycle or rope and tree, stick and balances way up in the tree all without ponder of possible injuries, almost, almost. Speaking of an original zip line. A large end of road bike ramp, the lost woods of trails, the lost dreams of magical domains, lost to roads highways and houses. The mystical overlook of meditations now a by-pass. The natural waterways underground, piped full of today sewage's. Swimming in the ditch after a hard summer rain. Hiding from everyone in natures alcoves of bush and vine and leaf. Such damn outdoor adventure, where today for the young. And after the day was done gathering around the radio on the kitchen table waiting for the popular songs and propagation to be in clarity. Not much of any television but Saturday morning cartoon, then Sunday evening Disney movies. And today the youth medias an all day baby sitter. Such extreme loss of childhood adventures. Wondering if nature itself and its diminished growth is missing the children of today. Why would it continue itself without a child to enjoy it’s mysteries. My neighbors would think me crazy if I sat in the yard and watched the insects at work. Maybe one day this summer they will see me grounding under the Sweet-gum tree. Simply grounding with earth for a more solid mental state of being.
11:45p.m. 5/4/2026
Loving care – feelings beyond human experience, gifted from an unknown alien. Bizarre voyages over and into black holes. Battleships, planets, satellites, consumption of entire planets. All gifted voyages by ‘them’, or stolen moments by others and given to me. This ability to see and see clearly while awake isn’t my natural ability, hence I say these things are gifted. Asynchronous earthly events in the flow of time and zombie humans unaware of time in this way going ,just going. And the enlightenment within natures winds through the blades of grass and bush and tree leaves, one amazing day and moment of no humans movements. Communicators gifting in the past, many good days. But not any more. They won’t even tell me the hour of day and I do not know why this attitude change. But things went very negative since 2024 compared to the very friendly of before. And tonight am having restless, nervous, uneasy fearful feelings. --It has been an hour, took asprin and ginko biloba and am somewhat relaxing. May just have had too much tobacco.
To know or not to know – that is the question. It is imperative in feeling to share the alien interview on the video page even though it has partly destroyed my will to continue in life. 5/8/26 - we aren’t given a choice to be or not to be. But you can choose to or not to know. I cannot advise only comment. And is getting mentally and physically exhausting to think about continuing. The ant lives in it’s ignorance, the cricket lives happily and lucky with some knowledge and the man of knowledge's lives a depressed life of solitudes Meditation my old friend found once again. For me on my first re-attempt within many a year, it went well two nights ago. And tonight the meditations went outward not inward and envisioned a city atop a galaxy ...
5-13-26 --6:30 pm
The stagnation of life. Sometimes you get tired of everything. Everything new, everything old it just all becomes bull shit. The mind gets tired, the body gets tired and only a dream will suffice for anything. Dreams with purpose. My life has all but been a waste from not being a very intelligent person. The moments of succeeding in being educated were very few. Nothing therefor of success took shape. The few enjoyments of education were in statistics and biology and literature's. A good interesting short story, some poetry, a mathematical bell curve and the reproduction of a flower were nice to learn. After discovering Airl’s words in the ‘alien interview’ video nothing has any real meaning. You never look at a bird, bee, flower or tree the same again. And people either from babies to the old. I wonder what has happened in another life that brought them to earth. Even thought seems unhealthy and who gives a shit or even why give a shit about anything but this – knowledge and self knowledge. More knowledge of lives beyond earth and remembering my own.
5/14 - 3'ish pm Wondering my sudden mood changes. Simply minute to minute sometimes. And as different as energizing into deathly downers. My thoughts aren’t bipolar in nature it is just feelings. Many moons ago use to ponder the relationships between thinking and feeling. Which inspires which. Mood into thoughts or thoughts into moods. Never really answered clearly unless it can be either. Also wonder why some become reactionary in their daily life actions from moods or thoughts so much. Guess they are just not mindful of changes and without reflecting before doing whatever. Just some minutes ago felt an energetic urge into my gut brain, a connection to strengths or of someone else. Was it from an action or simply a reflection, unknown. It was very pleasant to feel those nerves active once more for have been in a downer for some time. Could it be nutrition? Or simply cosmic directions with agreement of thoughts present. The past few days have been pondering the earth situation as told in the alien interview video also the arrogance of man as shown in the ending of Airl’s words. Kudos for her speedy ‘escape’. But wondering if the is-be creator intent is simply doing everything itself for the other is-be ‘games’ of life in a very broad sense themselves. In any case we have found ourselves here and must continue to do our best for humanity.
5/15 1:00am'ish Unimaginable numbers for eternity has no age... As we see, eternity has no real construction called ‘time’. And here we are in a universe less than two trillion years with an existence. And think of an original spiritual one. The one of forever that gives energy of spirit to all other spirituals. As Aril says...any animated ‘life’ has spirit needed to animate. And also wonder the age of yourself within the eternity. Wonder the meaning and your very own spirit way by pondering this...the world will suddenly and instantly be destroyed in two hours. What would you do? What would everyone do? Would it be peaceful or murderous mayhem's or equal amounts of each? If you do not live like you would in those last two hours maybe you should make some adjustments. In our eternal has there always been everything of real or anything of real...time is an illusion within an illusion of ‘real’. Is the only ‘real’ spirit? Can intent create anything of real? For if the is-be universe creator suddenly forgets something it would cease to be. There isn’t an age number for an eternity. You must consider the forever-ness of always has been and look beyond our timed universe which isn’t a/the forever scenario. Ask that you meditate on the feelings of existing in the forever, beyond your age of spirit life in this universe. Do so outside your abode outdoors for a more ‘expansive’ feeling to begin with. Expand these few thoughts, also. 10:30 am
If - borrowed from a song thought if you feel so strong
if your words so long
if your ego so rampant
if your finance is fat
if your control is main
you may go insane
in your beginning of ending
you may never be so wrong
as an arrogant thorn
and shouting horn
of you. Simply,
will sip a scotch whiskey
alone and let the earth
turn itself inside-out.
10'ish pm
did we choose
True harvest no mere intent may reap.
Finally we must lie down to sleep
And leave the world all we desire
To darkness, malevolence and fire.
Who wakes and stands his shadow's mark
Has passed by mercy through the dark.
We save the good, lovely and bright
By will in part, in part delight,
But they live through the night by grace
That no intention can efface.
Thinking of my childhood. Recklessness and daring of self physical and sometimes the challenges to gravity itself on a bicycle or rope and tree, stick and balances way up in the tree all without ponder of possible injuries, almost, almost. Speaking of an original zip line. A large end of road bike ramp, the lost woods of trails, the lost dreams of magical domains, lost to roads highways and houses. The mystical overlook of meditations now a by-pass. The natural waterways underground, piped full of today sewage's. Swimming in the ditch after a hard summer rain. Hiding from everyone in natures alcoves of bush and vine and leaf. Such damn outdoor adventure, where today for the young. And after the day was done gathering around the radio on the kitchen table waiting for the popular songs and propagation to be in clarity. Not much of any television but Saturday morning cartoon, then Sunday evening Disney movies. And today the youth medias an all day baby sitter. Such extreme loss of childhood adventures. Wondering if nature itself and its diminished growth is missing the children of today. Why would it continue itself without a child to enjoy it’s mysteries. My neighbors would think me crazy if I sat in the yard and watched the insects at work. Maybe one day this summer they will see me grounding under the Sweet-gum tree. Simply grounding with earth for a more solid mental state of being.
11:45p.m. 5/4/2026
Loving care – feelings beyond human experience, gifted from an unknown alien. Bizarre voyages over and into black holes. Battleships, planets, satellites, consumption of entire planets. All gifted voyages by ‘them’, or stolen moments by others and given to me. This ability to see and see clearly while awake isn’t my natural ability, hence I say these things are gifted. Asynchronous earthly events in the flow of time and zombie humans unaware of time in this way going ,just going. And the enlightenment within natures winds through the blades of grass and bush and tree leaves, one amazing day and moment of no humans movements. Communicators gifting in the past, many good days. But not any more. They won’t even tell me the hour of day and I do not know why this attitude change. But things went very negative since 2024 compared to the very friendly of before. And tonight am having restless, nervous, uneasy fearful feelings. --It has been an hour, took asprin and ginko biloba and am somewhat relaxing. May just have had too much tobacco.
To know or not to know – that is the question. It is imperative in feeling to share the alien interview on the video page even though it has partly destroyed my will to continue in life. 5/8/26 - we aren’t given a choice to be or not to be. But you can choose to or not to know. I cannot advise only comment. And is getting mentally and physically exhausting to think about continuing. The ant lives in it’s ignorance, the cricket lives happily and lucky with some knowledge and the man of knowledge's lives a depressed life of solitudes Meditation my old friend found once again. For me on my first re-attempt within many a year, it went well two nights ago. And tonight the meditations went outward not inward and envisioned a city atop a galaxy ...
5-13-26 --6:30 pm
The stagnation of life. Sometimes you get tired of everything. Everything new, everything old it just all becomes bull shit. The mind gets tired, the body gets tired and only a dream will suffice for anything. Dreams with purpose. My life has all but been a waste from not being a very intelligent person. The moments of succeeding in being educated were very few. Nothing therefor of success took shape. The few enjoyments of education were in statistics and biology and literature's. A good interesting short story, some poetry, a mathematical bell curve and the reproduction of a flower were nice to learn. After discovering Airl’s words in the ‘alien interview’ video nothing has any real meaning. You never look at a bird, bee, flower or tree the same again. And people either from babies to the old. I wonder what has happened in another life that brought them to earth. Even thought seems unhealthy and who gives a shit or even why give a shit about anything but this – knowledge and self knowledge. More knowledge of lives beyond earth and remembering my own.
5/14 - 3'ish pm Wondering my sudden mood changes. Simply minute to minute sometimes. And as different as energizing into deathly downers. My thoughts aren’t bipolar in nature it is just feelings. Many moons ago use to ponder the relationships between thinking and feeling. Which inspires which. Mood into thoughts or thoughts into moods. Never really answered clearly unless it can be either. Also wonder why some become reactionary in their daily life actions from moods or thoughts so much. Guess they are just not mindful of changes and without reflecting before doing whatever. Just some minutes ago felt an energetic urge into my gut brain, a connection to strengths or of someone else. Was it from an action or simply a reflection, unknown. It was very pleasant to feel those nerves active once more for have been in a downer for some time. Could it be nutrition? Or simply cosmic directions with agreement of thoughts present. The past few days have been pondering the earth situation as told in the alien interview video also the arrogance of man as shown in the ending of Airl’s words. Kudos for her speedy ‘escape’. But wondering if the is-be creator intent is simply doing everything itself for the other is-be ‘games’ of life in a very broad sense themselves. In any case we have found ourselves here and must continue to do our best for humanity.
5/15 1:00am'ish Unimaginable numbers for eternity has no age... As we see, eternity has no real construction called ‘time’. And here we are in a universe less than two trillion years with an existence. And think of an original spiritual one. The one of forever that gives energy of spirit to all other spirituals. As Aril says...any animated ‘life’ has spirit needed to animate. And also wonder the age of yourself within the eternity. Wonder the meaning and your very own spirit way by pondering this...the world will suddenly and instantly be destroyed in two hours. What would you do? What would everyone do? Would it be peaceful or murderous mayhem's or equal amounts of each? If you do not live like you would in those last two hours maybe you should make some adjustments. In our eternal has there always been everything of real or anything of real...time is an illusion within an illusion of ‘real’. Is the only ‘real’ spirit? Can intent create anything of real? For if the is-be universe creator suddenly forgets something it would cease to be. There isn’t an age number for an eternity. You must consider the forever-ness of always has been and look beyond our timed universe which isn’t a/the forever scenario. Ask that you meditate on the feelings of existing in the forever, beyond your age of spirit life in this universe. Do so outside your abode outdoors for a more ‘expansive’ feeling to begin with. Expand these few thoughts, also. 10:30 am
If - borrowed from a song thought if you feel so strong
if your words so long
if your ego so rampant
if your finance is fat
if your control is main
you may go insane
in your beginning of ending
you may never be so wrong
as an arrogant thorn
and shouting horn
of you. Simply,
will sip a scotch whiskey
alone and let the earth
turn itself inside-out.
10'ish pm
did we choose
Over well, over medium and over lightly done If only could walk - If only could run from this depression, would leave this very moment. Would you go with me, too. Into the else wheres we could be without needs of physicalities. Into the umbilical beautiful, the infinity of choices. How and why we are in this scenario do not know but wish we could just go. The infinity with infinite universes of choice to be an experience of. Within the eternity of all, why was choice of the here and now. Did we wish did we wonder did we ignore. Did we see did we feel did we desire to touch hand to hand, word to word and grow within these pains of, of all we have discovered. Within this multiverse lays a small part. Just a single furrow it is, among the infinities of furrows flowing within the umbilical. Looked into the eyes of one chosen and perceived a glass vessel full of discord and hate just waiting for its exposure. Her facade is kind her soul not for she was born under the star-sign of opposition to mine. My life has been manipulated complete to where there was no other choice.